Separation Anxiety

Sebastian was starting his first day in Liza's Children's House classroom. He was three and a half years old, and his sister, Martha, was in Lower Elementary. Sebastian was used to being on campus. He was with his mom, Michelle, at pick-up every day; he attended school events and knew Liza well from when Martha was in her class. Michelle didn't expect any problems with separation when she enrolled Sebastian.

Sebastian's first day went incredibly well. He was excited to be going to school like his big sister and came into the classroom without a hitch. His mom left confidently, and Sebastian took Liza's hand and followed her to the swing set. During the day, Sebastian was very quiet. When Michelle came to pick him up, he launched himself into her arms and gave her a long hug. Liza didn't see anything unusual about his behavior, except that he was quieter than she had expected—it was a little out of character. But it was his first day.

Day two was different. When Michelle dropped off Sebastian on the playground, he was holding her hand very tightly. She talked with Liza for a few moments, and then turned to leave. Sebastian grabbed her leg and started crying uncontrollably, pleading with his mother to take him home. He didn't want to stay at school.

Michelle picked up Sebastian and held him. She tried to reassure him. "You know Ms. Rock. She loves you and wants you to stay at school with her. There are so many fun things to do!" Instead of being reassured, Sebastian cried louder and screamed that he didn't want to stay at school. Michelle tried to hold it together, but then she started crying too. Eventually, Liza leaned over and invited Michelle to pass Sebastian to her. Michelle was tentative, but she remembered what Liza had said during the parent orientation, "They won't stop crying if you stay." She mustered up all her motherly courage and handed Sebastian to Liza. He screamed. Michelle left, crying on the way to her car.

Over the next week or two, things did not get better. Michelle was more and more tentative about leaving Sebastian. She met with Liza and asked whether it might be too soon for Sebastian to start school. Liza reassured her that many children experience separation anxiety and that it gradually lessens as the child bonds with their teachers and peers and gains a sense of security in the environment. When Michelle left the meeting, Liza could tell she wasn't sold. Michelle still seemed tentative and worried.

Have you experienced this dynamic as a guide? Have you experienced it as a parent? No matter how many years you've been teaching, it can still be difficult. It's hard to tell what's more difficult, supporting the child or the parent!

Separation Anxiety and the Montessori Planes of Development

Throughout this article, I use the terms separation anxiety and insecurity to describe a range of difficulties children may experience when separating from their parents or caregivers. These experiences range from developmentally appropriate difficulty with separation to more persistent patterns of anxiety or insecurity.

While separation anxiety is typically associated with the first plane of development, older children may also experience it, although much less frequently. Longitudinal research shows that separation anxiety declines for most children during the preschool years, while a smaller group experiences persistent or increasing symptoms that may continue into preadolescence (Battaglia et al., 2016, 2017). The goal is to help children develop a sense of security between home and school. This is good practice for children of all ages—even through adolescence!

Toddlers (Under 3 Years) — In the first half of the First Plane of Development, the young child is still constructing their world. The adults in their lives are not just part of that construction; they are the child's compass for navigating it. Separation anxiety is a normal developmental experience, not just an emotional problem to be managed. Infants and toddlers have a powerful need for relationship, attachment, and security as they progress toward independence. Separation anxiety may show up as clinging to parents or caregivers, shadowing adults, dysregulation, or physical protests. The key to supporting separation is to make transitions predictable and understandable while maintaining confidence in the child's ability to navigate the separation.

Children's House (3-6 Years) — As the child moves to the second half of the First Plane of Development, separation anxiety changes significantly. While separation is still a factor for many children, they have more developed resources for navigating it successfully. Children at this stage are better able to remember previous experiences, anticipate what will happen next, and express their feelings and preferences. A four-year-old child, for example, can say, “I will miss you this morning,” knowing that their mother will return later, while a 15-month-old may simply cry when their parent walks away, uncertain of their return. Children at this age are still naturally attached and dependent on their parents as they develop more independence. Separation anxiety or insecurity may manifest as crying or clinging at drop-off, long goodbyes, refusing to enter the classroom, repeatedly asking when a parent will return, or difficulty engaging in work after a parent leaves. Because children in the second half of the First Plane are increasingly aware and progressing toward the sensitive period for socialization, establishing a secure connection with their teachers and classroom community is a key factor in supporting them.

Elementary (6-12 Years) — In the Second Plane of Development, separation anxiety and insecurity take on a different meaning. Separation is typically much less about separating from the adult than it is about a sense of belonging and significance within the classroom community. In the First Plane, the child is asking, "Help me do it myself." In the Second Plane, the child is moving toward, "Help me understand the world and my place in it." The adults in the child's life move from being their primary source of security and orientation to serving as guides, supporters, and mentors. Peers take on more importance as children begin to find their identity within their immediate community in addition to their family.

For older children, it can be helpful to ask not only, "Why is this child having difficulty leaving home?" but also, "What are they anticipating when they arrive at school?" Separation anxiety or insecurity may manifest because children feel disconnected from classmates or teachers, are having conflicts with friends, are overwhelmed by academic challenges, or feel excluded or alone. These social challenges—real or perceived—coupled with the elementary-aged child's ability to reason and imagine outcomes can produce anxiety. This may appear as asking to call home, requests to stay home, stomachaches or headaches, distress around overnight trips, or avoiding activities outside the home. The key lies in the response of a warm and confident teacher and a classroom that fosters belonging (acceptance) and significance (capability). Significance becomes increasingly important as the child approaches the Third Plane of Development.

Adolescence (12-18 Years) — While separation anxiety or insecurity is rarer in adolescence, it is not unheard of. In the Third Plane of Development, the adolescent is moving toward true independence beyond their immediate family while still maintaining a meaningful connection with their family. This process of individuation is different from separation anxiety. Peer relationships become central as adolescents develop a sense of identity beyond their family and immediate community, and this can be an overwhelming process that may lead to insecurity. (True separation anxiety is not a typical part of individuation and may be clinically significant.)

Like elementary-aged children, adolescents need a sense of belonging at school in order to individuate securely. However, unlike the relative stability of the Second Plane, the Third Plane is marked by sensitivity and the need for appropriate support and security as the adolescent approaches adulthood. Anxiety around separation may include intense distress away from home, self-isolation from peers, excessive worrying, attendance issues, reluctance to participate in overnight trips, or difficulty making independent decisions. The key is to help adolescents develop the internal and practical resources necessary to enter the world around them with increasing independence and confidence while maintaining meaningful connections with family and friends.

Preparing the Environment and the Adult for Confident Separation

Unlike some of the challenges I have written about, separation anxiety requires us to pay particular attention to the relational environment between the adults at school and the adults at home. Picture a triangle, with the child, the teacher, and the parents at each vertex. In most situations, we focus primarily on the environment we can prepare at school. With separation, however, parents and teachers are closely connected, and the trust between these adults can have a significant impact on the child's growing independence. One of the most important parts of preparing the environment, then, is connecting with parents and earning their trust. Confident parents support successful transitions. Connection is essential for parents and children!

• Connection Before Correction with Parents — One of the most common things teachers tell parents is, "Your child will take cues from you about whether this is a safe place. Your calm confidence can help them begin to feel safe." Research on social referencing supports this observation: young children look to their parents' emotional responses when deciding whether a new person or situation is safe (de Rosnay et al., 2006). But what if the parent isn't confident yet? "Fake it 'til you make it" is not a workable strategy. Children have radar; they know their parents. Instead of asking parents to show confidence they don't yet have, help them develop confidence and trust.
• Meeting with New Parents — This practice can go a long way in developing a trusting relationship with new parents. The direct aim is to start building your relationship with the parents by purposefully getting to know them. Consider developing a questionnaire to use to get to know parents, their values, their perspectives on their child, and their needs. Talk with them about transitions and focus on what they need and how you can support them. Some schools do home visits for every new child. Others meet them at school and let them see the classroom privately.
• Micro-Connections with Parents — Relationships are rarely developed through organized school events alone. They are built organically over time through repeated, small contacts with one another. Identify school routines that create regular opportunities for parents and teachers to connect—and for parents to connect with one another. A few minutes talking at pick-up, chatting on the playground, or simply seeing familiar parents each morning helps families develop their own sense of belonging within the school community. That sense of belonging indirectly builds trust in the environment their child is entering each day.
• Connect with Parents in Front of Children — Many children have never been left with an adult who is unfamiliar to their parents, and many parents have never left their child with an adult they do not yet know and trust. Let children see you talking warmly with their parents. Your modeling will echo ten times louder than verbal reassurance. Young children look to their parents to see who and what is safe. Give them this opportunity.
• Close the Loop with Parents — When a child is having difficulty separating, don’t leave the parent wondering what happened after they left. Once the child has settled in, give the parent a quick call or message to let them know how things went. Be specific about what helped: “Sebastian cried for about 15 minutes after you left. I stayed close and listened while he told me how much he missed you. After a while, he asked if we could work on the Brown Stair, and he’s been engaged ever since.” These brief updates do more than reassure parents. They help parents understand how the teacher is supporting their child and open the lines of communication between home and school. Over time, parents get to know the person they are leaving their child with (and they want to get to know you), and genuine trust begins to develop.
• Take Time for Teaching Separation Skills to Parents — When you hold your annual parent orientation, reserve time to talk about the upcoming transition. Pick up the phone and ask a few supportive veteran parents to attend. Share transition details with the new parents, and invite your veteran parents to share their experience and what helped them. Discuss the skills you'll be teaching their children (see Grace and Courtesy Skills). Then take time to discuss how parents can support secure separation: creating a goodbye ritual, practicing leaving children with another trusted adult before school starts, developing morning routines with children (not for them), and role-playing saying "goodbye" together. Successful goodbyes are short, loving, and confident.
• Phase-In Start Dates — Many schools use a phase-in process for young students, either establishing the classroom climate with "veteran" students first and then introducing new students later, or starting new students first and then bringing back "veteran" students later so the teachers have the opportunity to connect one-on-one with the new students. Both approaches have their benefits. Bringing in "veteran" students first can establish a settled environment where returning students model routines, expectations and procedures, giving the guides the opportunity to connect and work with new students one-on-one. Bringing in new students first can ensure that the guides have the time and space to connect and establish relationships with the new students without distraction.
• Face-to-Face Pick-Up — If possible, face-to-face pick-up provides a natural opportunity for these micro-connections. Parents have a chance to ask, “How was their day?” and teachers can share a small observation or success. Just as importantly, parents have a chance to connect with one another. Those few minutes waiting together, talking, and developing relationships help create a parent community around the classroom. Parents who feel that they belong are more likely to develop confidence in the environment—and that confidence matters when they leave their child in the morning.
• Let Routines Be the Boss — Establish routines that are as consistent and predictable as possible from the beginning of the year. If you use special introductory activities or procedures, either fit them within the routine you plan to maintain throughout the year or make the transition to the regular routine predictable from the start. Unexpected changes just as children are becoming acclimated can be unsettling and make them dependent on adults to know what comes next. Predictable routines help children anticipate what's next and guide themselves through the day. Consistent routines are also associated with stronger emotional self-regulation in young children (Anderson et al., 2017). Let the routine be the boss, not the adult.
• Start Outside and Phase-in Carline — The playground is a familiar place for most children. If weather and logistics permit, consider beginning the year outside and building the transition to carline into the plan from the start. For the first two or three weeks, parents might walk their children to the playground, connect briefly with the teacher, and give a short and loving goodbye—another opportunity for a micro-connection. Prepare children and parents for what comes next: “For the first two weeks, we’ll meet on the playground. Beginning September 8, we’ll start using carline.” The routine changes, but the change is predictable. Children then enter a peaceful classroom together, experiencing it as a place of calm rather than a place of frenetic transitions.
• Morning Circle: To Do or Not to Do — Morning circle is often used as a community builder, but it may invite more difficulties than benefits, especially at the beginning of the year. When children arrive, they have just separated from their parents and are trying to settle into the classroom. A whole-group gathering asks the child to transition again—sometimes several times—before the work cycle has really begun. It can also leave classroom adults less available to support a child who arrives late (and there are almost always one or two) or is struggling with separation. There are many benefits to gathering as a community, but think carefully before making it part of the arrival routine. Consider giving children time to arrive, connect, settle in, and engage with the environment. There will be other opportunities to gather as a community.
• Community Building Games — For elementary children and adolescents, a sense of belonging is a key factor in supporting children who are struggling with separation anxiety and insecurity. Research on school connectedness has found that students' sense of belonging and connection at school is associated with their emotional well-being and predicts later mental health and functioning (Shochet et al., 2006). Community-building games offer a structured way for students to make meaningful connections, get to know children they do not know well, create a more inclusive community, and ease social barriers between groups of children. Kindness and Respect: An Experiential Approach to Social-Emotional Learning by Charlie J. Richardson, Jess Anderson, and Lisa Steele-Maley is a great resource for these teacher-facilitated games.
• Welcome Children Individually — Especially during the first weeks of school, make sure each child is personally received by an adult. Greet them by name, make eye contact, and help them connect to what comes next. Separation is easier when the child is not simply leaving someone, but being welcomed by someone.
• Class Meeting — The Class Meeting provides a wonderful way for children who are struggling with separation to find that they are not alone, and to get support from both their teachers and other children in the classroom.

Grace and Courtesy Skills

• Saying Goodbye — Teach and role-play a short, predictable goodbye routine with the child. This might include a hug and a short phrase such as, "I love you. I'll see you at pick-up." Then separate. The goal is warm, loving, and short, followed by a greeting for the guide.
• Reverse Role-Play — Have the parent be the child and the child be the parent and/or have the child be the teacher and the teacher be the child. Have each of them practice each other's roles in the goodbye routine. The child practices encouraging "the child," giving them the experience of the transition from the position of confidence and competence.
• Saying Good Morning to Guide — Show children what to do when they arrive. Make eye contact and say, "Good morning!" If shaking hands is part of the classroom culture, shake hands and acknowledge others.
• Arrival Routines — Break the established routine into small, teachable steps: walk through the door, say goodbye, greet the guide, put belongings away, put on slippers, find a friend, choose a work, etc. If possible, practice this with parents observing so they can see the routine and their child's growing independence.
• Asking an Adult for Help — Not every child knows how to ask an adult for help, especially if they are not yet secure in the environment. Give younger children specific words to use when separations are difficult: "Can you sit with me for a minute?" or "I need some help." Practice approaching classroom adults, asking for help, and communicating their needs. This is a skill that can be taught to young children and elementary-aged students.
• Asking a Friend for Help — Identify children with whom a child has a connection. Again, give specific language for asking a friend to help: "I'm having a hard time this morning. Can we have snack together?" Practice together.
• How to Comfort a Friend — Using the Class Meeting, brainstorm ideas on how to best comfort a friend. Ask, "When you were feeling sad and missing your parents, what helped you feel comforted?" Make a list. Practice comforting a friend together!
• Expressing Worry or Sadness — Teach specific language for expressing worry or sadness: "I'm really missing my dad this morning" or "I'm sad that my mom won't be back until tomorrow." Practice together.
• Asking a Friend to Work Together — This is particularly important for elementary-aged students. Again, give specific language like, "Would you like to work together today?" or "I can help you with your editing if you can help me with math facts." Also, consider having the child select a work partner the day before, reducing the risk of rejection during the morning transition to the work cycle.
• Using Self-Regulation Strategies — Teach and practice self-regulation skills for self-calming: deep belly breathing, Positive Time-Out, heavy work, visiting the class pet, etc. The focus here is on developing independence in finding calm during times of distress.

General Responses

• Act Without Talking — When a child is having difficulty with separation, too much talking can keep the focus on the separation. Warmly acknowledge the child's feelings, then use as few words as possible and guide them into the established arrival routine—offer your hand, lead them to their first work, etc.
• Positive Time-Out — Avoid trying to reason, reassure or problem-solve when they are upset. Invite them to the Positive Time-Out area. Walk with the child or offer to join them for a few minutes. Show faith in their ability to work through their sadness.
• Connection Before Teaching — A child who is still distressed from a difficult separation is not ready for a lesson or to be redirected to work. Take a few moments for connection first: validate their feelings and acknowledge what they are experiencing. When they are feeling connected, introduce them to a new work or help them find a favorite work.
• Special Time — Schedule brief, routine one-on-one time outside of the difficult transition. This provides needed connection without making the separation the "trigger" for individual attention from the adult. Instead, it is predictable, neutral, quality time together.
• Reflective Listening — Avoid trying to talk a child out of their feelings: "You don't have to worry. Mommy will be back, just like she always is." Instead, simply validate what the child is feeling: "You're really feeling sad because you miss your dad, and you wish he were here to give you a hug. That makes sense. You really love him." Feeling understood can help a child develop a sense of security and connection in the classroom. Repeated reassurance and other efforts to remove a child's discomfort can unintentionally keep the focus on the anxiety and reinforce dependence (Lebowitz et al., 2020).
• Classroom Contribution — Contribution can be one of the most effective ways to support a child who is having difficulty with separation. Identify ways the child can make visible and meaningful contributions to the community: feeding the class pet, helping prepare snack, sharpening pencils, or helping another child. Contribution shifts the focus from "I need someone else" to "I belong here. I am capable." Children find connection and belonging when they contribute.
• Home-School Contribution — Connect home and school through contribution. Send home classroom laundry for the child to wash and return, ask for help repairing something for the classroom, or have the child bring in snack or another needed item. These responsibilities help the child experience, "I have an important role in both of these places." As an added benefit, parents get to see just how capable their children can be!
• Wheel of Choice — Work with the child to create a Wheel of Choice that identifies several ideas they can try when they are missing their family or having a difficult moment of separation. Practice these ideas together at a neutral time. When the problem arises, simply ask, "What would you like to try from your Wheel of Choice that might help?" Separation difficulties are often predictable. Planning ahead can make all the difference.
• Confidence without Reassurance — Once again, avoid offering ongoing reassurance that the child will be OK or that there's nothing to worry about. Repeated reassurance can unintentionally maintain anxiety by keeping the focus on the separation (Lebowitz et al., 2020). Instead, validate the child's feelings while showing faith in their ability to navigate the difficulty: "It's really hard when you miss your mom. And do you know what I know about you? You can do hard things."
• Encouragement — One of the most effective ways to use Conversational Curiosity Questions is to help a child process a success. Be on the lookout for micro-movements of progress! When you notice them, instead of saying, "Great job! You didn't cry," try, "I noticed you were missing your mom this morning, and you came inside and chose a work with Mabel. Tell me about that. What did you do to help yourself? What did you learn about yourself?" With younger children, simply tell the story of their success: "It was hard to say goodbye this morning. You missed Dad, and then you came inside, found your work, and got started." In both cases, the goal is to help the child recognize, "That was hard, and I handled it."

Mistaken Goal Responses

When children feel supported and encouraged in the classroom environment—when they know they belong and feel significant through responsibility and contribution—they thrive. With guidance, they develop kindness and respect for themselves and others and discover how capable they are.

When children feel discouraged, they may misbehave because they develop mistaken beliefs about how to find belonging and significance. As Rudolph Dreikurs observed children, he identified four mistaken goals that children may adopt when they feel discouraged.

Separation anxiety or insecurity is not necessarily misbehavior, especially with young children. It is developmentally appropriate for young children to have difficulty separating from their family in a new environment. However, when a child becomes discouraged around separation, their behavior may begin to reflect mistaken beliefs about how to find belonging and significance.

Undue Attention (Notice Me — Involve Me Usefully)

For children whose mistaken goal is Undue Attention, separation challenges may become a way of keeping adults busy with them or receiving special service. This may show up as repeatedly asking when a parent will return, seeking continual reassurance, clinging to the teacher, or withdrawing in hopes of being rescued. The child's mistaken belief may be, "I feel connected when you are taking care of me." The belief we are working toward is, "I can find connection and belonging through my own constructive efforts."

Responses: Avoid ongoing reassurance, explaining, and reminding. Instead, validate the child's feelings and redirect toward the next step. Offer quiet presence instead of verbal reassurance. Develop a morning routine chart together, and use a nonverbal signal to prompt the next step without talking. Touch without words. Redirect toward meaningful contribution that helps the child feel involved in the community—take attendance, refill supplies, or help a younger child. Ask for a favor. Use Special Time. Ignore negative bids for attention while looking for opportunities to connect when the child is not seeking attention. Create a Wheel of Choice together for self-regulation.

Misguided Power (Let Me Help — Give Me Choices)

A child whose mistaken goal is Misguided Power may experience separation as a threat to their personal agency. Instead of simply feeling sad or worried, separation may become a struggle over who decides when, where, or how—or even whether—the separation happens. The child may refuse to leave the car, reject help, refuse to carry their belongings, yell, or even run from the adults during the transition. The child's mistaken belief may sound like, "I belong when I'm in control, and you can't make me separate." The belief we are working toward is, "I can navigate separation successfully when I use my personal power to make constructive choices."

Responses: Avoid arguing, negotiating, coaxing, or forcing the child to comply. If you find yourself in a power struggle, step away, calm down, and reengage when you are ready. Let Routines Be the Boss—create and practice separation routines together, incorporating the child's ideas and perspective whenever possible. Offer meaningful, limited choices within the routine: "Which would you like to put away first—your shoes, your jacket, or your lunchbox?" Redirect toward meaningful Contribution, especially opportunities that include choice, responsibility, and decision-making. Acknowledge what you cannot control: "I can't make you get out of the car, and I could really use your cooperation." Avoid taking the bait if the child challenges you. Use the Four Steps for Follow-Through to make agreements about difficult separations, then follow through with Presence, Warmth and Silence.

Revenge (I'm Hurting — Validate My Feelings)

A child whose mistaken goal is Revenge may experience separation as hurt, rejection, or abandonment. Because they don't want to be alone in that hurt, they may lash out at parents or teachers, damage classroom materials, or hurt other children. The child's mistaken belief may sound like, "I feel hurt because you left me, so I'll make you feel hurt too." The belief we are working toward is, "It's OK to feel hurt. I can express my hurt and receive support and understanding from others."

Responses: Use Reflective Listening to uncover and validate the hurt beneath the behavior. Avoid punishment, retaliation, or forced apologies, while still setting limits when the child is hurting others or damaging the environment. After everyone is calm, use Conversational Curiosity Questions to process what happened, followed by The Three R's of Recovery when repair is needed. Teach I Language for expressing hurt, anger, and sadness, and model using it yourself. Focus on progress, not perfection. Build trust and connection when the child is not engaging in hurtful behavior. Most importantly, don't take the behavior personally—this can be difficult because a hurting child often knows exactly where to aim!

Assumed Inadequacy (Don't Give Up on Me — Show Me a Small Step)

Children with the mistaken goal of Assumed Inadequacy may believe they are incapable of separating from a parent or caregiver independently. Rather than actively resisting, they may become dependent on adults to manage the transition, withdraw, become non-responsive, or simply refuse to try. The child's mistaken belief may sound like, "I can't separate from Dad on my own, so I'm not going to try." The belief we are working toward is, "I am capable of separating from Dad, even when it's hard."

The Rest of the Story

Things started to improve slightly over the next several days. Sebastian was still crying and asking to go home at drop-off, but his sadness was dissipating quickly after Michelle left. Michelle's response, however, was not changing. She was still a wreck when she left each day, and her trust in Liza was wavering.

Liza knew Michelle well from having Martha in her class and knew she appreciated candor and directness. After another difficult drop-off, Liza called Michelle to explain that Sebastian had cried for about 10 minutes—a shorter time than before—and that she had stayed close, listened as he shared how much he missed his mom, and helped him reconnect with the classroom. Liza continued checking in over the next several days, sharing what she observed and what seemed to help. Gradually, the separations improved, and Michelle became more open at drop-off.

The following Monday, Sebastian was back to clinging to Michelle's leg at drop-off. After the "hand-off," Michelle went to the bathroom in the lobby of the office. Unbeknownst to her, the classroom's exhaust vent was connected to the bathroom's exhaust vent. Michelle could hear everything going on in the classroom. What she heard changed everything.

Michelle heard Sebastian still crying. But she also heard Liza interacting with him. Liza didn't try to talk Sebastian out of feeling sad. She didn't tell him that everything was OK or remind him that his mom would be back. She simply acknowledged how hard it was to separate from his mom, listened, and stayed close. Then Sebastian stopped crying. There was silence. Then Sebastian said, "Can we work on the Knobbed Cylinders?" Liza said, "Of course." That was it. Liza hadn't pacified him, nor had she abandoned him. She was warm and present, and quietly waited for him to feel better.

Michelle left the bathroom and then the school feeling better than she had since school started. She hadn't really distrusted Liza. She just wasn't sure she had made the right decision to send Sebastian to school. Was he ready? Was Liza the right teacher? Was Liza really seeing Sebastian? Was he just another crying child getting in the way of a peaceful classroom? Those questions evaporated with every step she took toward her car.

The next week, drop-off went smoothly. Michelle was much more confident. Sebastian was too. There were no more tears, and before long, Sebastian was using carline, jumping out and having to be reminded to walk to his classroom rather than run.

Liza’s response to the situation was simple yet powerful. She had connected with Sebastian without rescuing him, validated his feelings without trying to make them go away, and quietly showed faith in his ability to move through the difficulty. Just as importantly, through her calls, her candor, and the small connections she built with Michelle, she had taken the time to earn Michelle’s trust. In the end, Sebastian wasn’t the only one learning how to separate. Michelle was, too.

References

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Battaglia, M., Touchette, É., Garon-Carrier, G., Dionne, G., Côté, S. M., Vitaro, F., Tremblay, R. E., & Boivin, M. (2016). Distinct trajectories of separation anxiety in the preschool years: Persistence at school entry and early-life associated factors. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 57(1), 39–46. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.12424

Battaglia, M., Garon-Carrier, G., Côté, S. M., Dionne, G., Touchette, É., Vitaro, F., Tremblay, R. E., & Boivin, M. (2017). Early childhood trajectories of separation anxiety: Bearing on mental health, academic achievement, and physical health from mid-childhood to preadolescence. Depression and Anxiety, 34(10), 918–927. https://doi.org/10.1002/da.22674

de Rosnay, M., Cooper, P. J., Tsigaras, N., & Murray, L. (2006). Transmission of social anxiety from mother to infant: An experimental study using a social referencing paradigm. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(8), 1165–1175. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2005.09.003

Dreikurs, R., & Soltz, V. (1964). Children: The challenge. Hawthorn Books.

Lebowitz, E. R., Marin, C., Martino, A., Shimshoni, Y., & Silverman, W. K. (2020). Parent-based treatment as efficacious as cognitive-behavioral therapy for childhood anxiety: A randomized noninferiority study of supportive parenting for anxious childhood emotions. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 59(3), 362–372. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaac.2019.02.014

Montessori, M. (2012). The 1946 London lectures (A. M. Haines, Ed.). Montessori-Pierson Publishing Company.

Shochet, I. M., Dadds, M. R., Ham, D., & Montague, R. (2006). School connectedness is an underemphasized parameter in adolescent mental health: Results of a community prediction study. Journal of Clinical Child & Adolescent Psychology, 35(2), 170–179. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15374424jccp3502_1